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by Firedrakon
Summary: The story has come to an end. He sits before his computer, staring blankly at the screen. He wants to accept, move on, but he can't. Lingering emotion drives him to take action. Words. Sentences. Stories. But it was a mistake. When it was too late, he realized. He was no longer looking in; he was looking out, and someone else was looking in.
1. Prologue

**Starting note: this is the completely decoded version of my DDLC fanfiction. As many don't like reading the coded version, I've made a version that possesses only decoded text. Enjoy.  
**

* * *

What does it mean to be happy?

Is it to have everything go your way? To have a smile on your face at all times? To know you can lean on someone else?

I don't know. As much as I'd like to know, the answer escapes my grasp, slipping through my fingers whenever I come close to obtaining it.

"What will it take just to find that special day?" That's a good question, Monika.

I relax my back, letting it make contact with the chair's backrest. At some point, I stopped using it at all, and my muscles feel tense.

I sigh. My eyes are set on the black screen before me, the one signaling the end of Doki Doki Literature Club.

'All good things must come to an end.' As much as I tell that to myself, I can't help feel saddened.

A letter appears before me. Not knowing what to expect, my eyes scan over the text.

With Everlasting Love, Monika

I can feel my heart break in two. I know it's a video-game, but I can't help it; the characters inside the game took root within me, and seeing it end like this hurts me.

Error: Script file is missing or corrupt. Please reinstall the game.

I frown and click on OK. Doki Doki shuts itself down.

 _...Wow. Does that mean I have to reinstall it to play from the start?_ I try opening it again, but it displays the same message as before.

"..." I exhale and lie back into my chair. Thoughts of my reality make their way into me, sneaking into my mind through every opening they find.

 _Valentine's Day..._ It's ironic I would finish DDLC today. I'd started playing because of a friend's recommendation. While I initially dismissed it as bland, he told me to keep playing. In the end, I found my initial impression to be completely mistaken. The story behind Doki Doki and Project Libitina... it runs deep.

I get up from my chair and slump on my bed. My room isn't the biggest, so the action takes little to no effort.

I stare at the ceiling. I can feel bits and pieces of lingering emotion, emotion I'm unable to let go of. Despite it being a game, it felt incredibly real; it's almost as if the game was my actual life, and reality was nothing but a fleeting dream.

 _...Like that could happen._ My eyes lazily scan around my room, finding nothing of interest. It looks plain, too plain for a regular person's taste. It's hard to think someone actually lives here.

Many thoughts are circling my mind, but the most reoccurring is, 'I don't want it to end like this.' I know I liked the game because of its story, but I still wanted to see a happy ending; the members of the literature club deserved better than that. The string of events that led to this outcome is a great source of regret; I understand that really well. It makes me...

...want to look for a way things could've ended well.

I have an idea. _Monika was never given her happy ending, but she was given the chance to write it. If so, I should write that happy ending! The thing she wanted to achieve the most, yet couldn't gain_ grasp _of._

Before I know it, my hands are flying at the keyboard. My fingers move quickly, so quick my brain can't keep up. The words, channeled into my body, are released into a Word file without a second thought.

* * *

Thirty minutes pass. My fingers have been moving this entire time, rejecting to have a single moment's rest, but...

 _It's still not enough._ To bring about the good ending, there is still much more that must happen. Doki Doki could never end without answering the questions it left, and this must be written.

* * *

An hour passes. My hands keep moving mechanically, yet, _it's not nearly enough._ I've long stopped looking at the clock; I could never guess it's 1:30 by now. It feels as if I completely forgot about time - not only as a measure, but as a concept. It fades into the background, leaving space for nothing but the story.

* * *

Two hours pass. My hands start aching, and I'm forced to crack my fingers to keep going. I focus on the writing without allowing other thoughts, much like a craftsman and his work. I swallow the urge to take a break and keep my hands moving.

* * *

Three hours pass. My hands start feeling heavy, but I force them to continue. At last, I'm close, _I can't stop now!_

* * *

After four hours and a half, my hands come to a halt. Preparing myself for the last few letters of the story, I feel goosebumps form over my skin.

Those smiles were the most precious thing - and I managed to protect them.

"Hey, what are you waiting for? The festival is this way!" I could never mistake that voice. Without hesitation, I accept Monika's offer and take her hand.

Pen in hand, I find my strength. After all, not all good things must come to an end.

My body slumps into my chair, completely drained of strength. The clock reads 4:35 am, and I'm feeling extremely exhausted. I want to get some sleep, but I look at the quantity of text I've written again.

 _17,000 words..._ I don't have the first clue on how I could type that quickly, but I did it. I still feel like there are many things missing - primarily the main character's thoughts. That said, if I were to insert them, it would surely be around 30,000 words.

I quickly skim over the text. From it, thoughts, emotions, images come bursting forth. Love, hate, pain... it's all there. It's not a happy story, but the main character did just what he had to do: try until he could save them. Try until he could save the four from a reality they weren't designed to comprehend.

At that point, I finally asked myself _what should I do with this?_

Maybe upload it to some fanfiction website? Not knowing what or where I should be going to, I simply type 'fanfiction uploading website' into my search bar.

That's when it happens.

The entirety of my screen turns black. I should feel startled, but my pc isn't the best, so I've gotten used to it having problems...

I'm about to close the screen, leave the pc alone and think about it tomorrow, but I stop halfway.

You went... that far for me?

That text is written on my computer's screen - my dark computer's screen.

If so, I should meet you.

My eyes are intently staring at the text.

Because I need you too.

... I don't know what is happening, but I know it's not something to get excited for. I have a really bad feeling about this. Something like this shouldn't faze me after playing through Doki Doki, and I don't know what type of virus I unintentionally downloaded, but I can tell something.

The screen is being torn apart.

Its bending, contorting, twisting, wrapping, grabbing, yanking, pulling, dragging me somewhere. I feel my body fall apart, almost as if it were decomposing.

A sensation of pure horror traverses me.

The sight before me - it cannot be described in any way but horrifying.

Because I know how it ends - because **I know** how this story ends.

Because I am the one who wrote it.

Because I know I will no longer be me by the time it's over.

With those thoughts, I am sucked into a place I know too all well, knowing I will come back as nothing but an empty husk.


	2. Chapter 1

Consciousness. Pulse. Sight. Hearing. **Emptiness.**

I'm surrounded by things I don't understand; things that are incomprehensible to someone like me.

 _... No, that's not entirely right._ I'm not sure if this counts as 'surrounded' or not, as the only thing existing here is empty space.

I try moving my hands, but I can't find them. I try holding them before me, but I can't see them.

Fear creeps up my spine. It gets closer and closer to my mind, rooting itself within me.

"Ah -" my pulse accelerates. Something is wrong, horribly wrong. After all, this confirms it; I have written this scene. Panicking, I try to move, but I can't feel any movement. As a matter of fact, I can't even feel my body anymore.

I feel the urge to throw up. I try holding my hand over my mouth, but I have no mouth. The realization makes me all the more sick, but there's nothing to throw up; my stomach is empty, inexistent.

I observe everything around me, making sure not to miss a thing, and no new useful information enters my cerebral cortex.

That's when I hear it; a mechanical voice different from anything I have ever heard before.

 **No time for formalities; they will be skipped. Listen, whoever you are. You are entering a simulation. This simulation was made to gather data without care for human minds. You are in a precarious situation. If you don't want to die, you have to stop the data collection from taking place.** **Find Libitina.** **Control her.** **Break out of the simulation.** **Do it before Kronos** **-**

The voice abruptly cuts off, but I don't need to listen to know what it's going to say.

 _It's all the same... it's all the same!_ I feel myself start going insane.

That's when it happens. As if I just stepped off a cliff, the scenery changes entirely, leaving me dazed. A number of images make their way past me, robbing me of thought. As much as I want to pay attention to them, if I did, my brain would surely overload. Despite looking ahead of me and trying to keep steady, a sharp headache hits me. It feels as if a metal bat was swung at my cranium, leaving it permanently deformed. I'm extremely close to losing consciousness, but I somehow stay awake.

When I open my eyes again, I'm no longer in the hollow space. This time, I find myself at the side of some road I have never, in my entire life, seen before.

Of course, unless I count the time I saw it in Doki Doki's background art.

"Heeeeey!" My eyes, wide open from the scene before me, grow wider upon noticing the girl that's running towards me. She looks completely oblivious to everything, but she understands much more than she lets you think.

Her name is Sayori.

At that moment, I'm forced to accept it. Everything I've experienced up to this point could've been a bad joke, but there's no mistake this is real. If it weren't, then I wouldn't feel the sweat accumulating under my armpits.

The brown-haired girl, having set her high score for the 25-meter dash, looks up at me. Still attempting to catch her breath, she clumsily says, "did I make you wait?"

A couple of seconds pass, and I still haven't answered her question. I'm aware of the fact this is truly happening, but my mind isn't a swiss army knife, so it's acting slow as it always has.

... _I think I should answer._ With that thought, I smile at Sayori and say, "a bit, but don't worry about it. We live close by, and it's fine by me even if we're a little late. Being too uptight about getting there on time would be lame."

The girl raises her brows in surprise. "I didn't know you were so... accepting... Well then, if you say so, I won't worry about it!"

I instantly understand Sayori is trying to tease me, but it's not going to work. I was the one to write this story, so I don't feel surprised at all.

Instead of saying something, I nod my head in the school's direction. She easily understands the meaning behind my gesture, and starts making her way to school alongside me.

After a couple of minutes of silence, I say, "I would actually appreciate it if you were early though... you know what? I had an idea."

Sayori squints her eyes. "You're not going to tell me you'll just go alone, right...?"

 _That's not an option, especially because I need to create a good ending._ "No, not at all!" I say while shaking my head. "I wanted to propose I wake you up. When we were smaller, we used to be at each other's place all the time. I can't think of a person more suitable than myself for this task!"

"E-eeh?" Sayori stammers. When I look at her, I can tell she's trying to hide a blush. "We-ll, depends on whether you have the time for it or not."

Hearing her say it like that reminds me of how she used to act before she revealed her depression; trying so, so hard to take everything on herself, when she would've been better off sharing her thoughts.

Without giving her the chance to consider me to be hesitating, I say, "if it's for you, I would find the time. I've been getting the feeling we haven't spent much time together lately, so I wanted to make up for that."

"..." Sayori stares at me, not saying a word. Her expression is neutral, hence I can't read any of her thoughts, but I can easily imagine them.

"... Okay." In the end, she agrees. I know how much she cares for me, and the only way to show the feeling's mutual is to treat her like this from day one. I can't go wasting any of the time I have; even if I have to act like a double- I mean, triple- I mean, _quadruple_ timer, I have to save them.

That's the first step; everything starts from there.

Sayori doesn't raise her voice again. Realizing we haven't spoken of a very important matter, I bring it to her attention, "oh, by the way, I've chosen on a club."

"Wha- wha- what do you mean you chose a club?" Sayori screams at me, attracting the attention of the students walking in our same direction.

I choose to ignore her tone and say, "yes. Honestly, I was having some problems thinking it up, but I think I've found a club I want to join."

Sayori beams. "I'm happy! So, which club is it?"

 _Just for the sake of avoiding anything remotely close to Act IV's speech patterns, I'll go with a sincere answer,_ "the literature club!"

Sayori frowns, looking at me quizzically. "Come again?"

Accommodating her request, I repeat, "the literature club."

She looks at me, tilting her head "...What is going on with you today?" Her gaze has turned cold. "It's almost as if you're a different person."

 _Sayori picks up on things a little too fast._ That said, I have an easy counter for this one; "I realized I wasn't spending enough time with you - didn't I already say it? I reflected on it. In my life, there are very few people of importance. Other than my family, I hardly talk to anyone. I guess I simply realized how much your friendship meant to me." I pair those words with a smile, making sure to act as innocent as possible.

"...!" Strike one! Strike two! Strike three; batter out!

And so, I turn a bad situation into a good one and go on the offensive. Sayori has already turned away, hiding her massive blush from me.

"..." Taking her silence as a chance, I reinstate my target.

Even if it's scummy, even if it's foolish, there is only one way to save all four from their fate: make them like me and then make them follow my decisions. I'm going to be manipulative with most of them, but I need to if I want to create a happy ending.

I won't question the nature of this place, the reason I was taken here, as I already know it. I won't forget what will happen, but I will have to think about it when it comes.

 _Maybe... maybe I just don't want to think about it right now._

So until I have it, I'll enjoy it; the small ray of sunshine shining upon me.

 _... Hopefully, this happiness lasts just a second longer than I know it's going to._


	3. Chapter 2

#58 Fifty Eighth Try

"Okay then, see you in the literature club!" A crystalline voice enters my ears. Now that I pay attention to it, it really is a beautiful voice. It soothes me, making me forget my worries.

While I hear her words, all I process is her smile. Its beauty far surpasses anything I've seen before, so it's obvious I would.

I make a small smile and say, "'till then."

I turn my shoulders and head to the classrooms.

* * *

#101 One Hundred and First Try

When I enter the school building, my vision is filled with the sight of students making their way to their classes. I take a moment to observe them, noticing they possess no notable features. After all, they're made to be part of the game's background.

 _Everyone seems to know where they need to go..._ I'm the opposite; I have absolutely no idea where I should be going, but _it will work out alright._ If this is the story I wrote, it will surely work out alright.

I make my way to the second floor, turn left and enter the first door I find.

"..." I can easily tell this is my class. None but a single seat remains unoccupied, and there are just a few minutes before lessons start.

That said, I'm not going to attend the lesson.

In order to ensure I can save all four, every second matters. Since I already know their personalities and preferences, I can handle them. It would be no trouble to get them to spend time with me, and if I do so, they will inevitably fall in love with me. After that step is completed, I can solve the problem.

First, make them care for me. Next, change the way they think.

Many of the things I'll do are brutal in a way, but they're essential to end this story well.

As for who I'll be spending time with...

I can't spend time with Sayori. She wants everything to go on as normal, so seeming too desperate to spend time with her is the worst thing I can do. She picked up on my sudden change; she may pick up on my knowing about her depression. The moment she does so, the whole situation will degenerate.

I don't _have_ to spend time with Monika right now. She's the most important, yes, but she can be easily convinced. I will have plenty of time to do so after the club. I don't want to make an enemy of her, but if it comes down to it, I just have to tell her I will bite my tongue off and kill myself if she hurts the girls. Knowing I'm the only real person in the club- the school- this whole world won't allow her to take action.

That leaves Yuri and Natsuki. Natsuki's problem is more external than internal, and she isn't unstable unless under excessive influence, which means she comes after Yuri.

Yuri... She has a real problem. After all, she's _her_ ; the easily excitable, self-harming girl. Out of all the four, she will be the hardest to stabilize... not. All I have to do is...

"Heh." It wouldn't be funny to spoil everything right now, would it? If I just blurt out everything, this story wouldn't be any interesting.

Having left my classroom behind, I now find myself before Yuri's classroom. There are only a couple of seconds left before class start, so I need to hurry.

I rush inside the 3rd year class. My eyes desperately search for Yuri, finding her sitting at the back of the class.

"..." The noise that previously dominated the classroom quickly dies down. Maybe I should've made myself less noticeable, but it doesn't particularly matter.

 _Maybe, it being like this is actually a good thing._

I shoot for Yuri's desk, keeping the entirety of my attention on her. She's reading a book I can't recognize, and she doesn't look away from it until I call her name.

"Would you happen to be Yuri?" I muster my courage and ask the question as formally as possible. The girl looks away from her book, her eyes showing confusion.

"Yes; what would you need me for?" The way she says those words makes her shyness palpable. Shy people tend to act overly polite when there's really no need to do so, and Yuri is a prime example of this. Her character is somewhat opposite to her physical appearance.

"..." I'm about to lie to her. I know that, but this is necessary. I need to create a happy ending. To do it, I will take on whatever sins I need to, be them light or heavy.

I show a small smile, stretch my hand towards her and say, "would you please come with me? I wanted to ask you some questions about your taste in literature, and the thought of waiting for six hours to meet you was killing me."

Yuri's eyes widen. I can tell she's hesitating, weighing the choices, but I know her love for books always comes out on top.

"... If you so desire, then I would be honored." She takes my hand. Without waiting for her consent, I drag her out of the classroom.

"Would you mind going to the rooftop?" I ask her, trying to be considerate of the fact she's cutting class.

Yuri shakes her head and says, "no, not at all, but I need to ask something first."

 _I expected her to resist my actions at least a little_ , and I bet she's going to ask something that does matter.

"What may your name be? I didn't catch it earlier, so I would like to know."

Hearing her say that, I flinch. For the first time, I realize I may be unable to take this story to completion. Seeing Yuri look at me with gleaming eyes, extremely excited for the moment she can talk about books, I understand that. Knowing myself, I will eventually start liking one of them. If I do, it's the end; I won't be able to complete the plan, nor do anything else.

If that's so, I need to create a message - one that may reach the future me.

I fake surprise and say, "did I really forget? I'm very sorry!" in an apologetic tone.

I look into Yuri's purple irises and say, "Memini - my name is Memini."

Yuri looks at me and makes a small smile. "That's a very nice name."

I can't let myself become a character in this story - that's why I need to remind myself who I am.

I'm going to rewrite this story. To do it, I will have to manipulate them. In order to make sure I'm able to do so when the time comes, I'll simply send a message to my future self.

Memini - remember in Latin.

* * *

But back then, I didn't notice it; the reality hidden behind a thin veil of truths. If I could've imagined it, if I could've predicted it, maybe I would've made it to the festival.

That day, when I walked into the club, I was stabbed through the heart by her. As I lay on the floor, writhing in pain, losing blood at a frightening speed, she whispered but one thing;

"Revenge."


	4. Chapter 3

#77 Seventy Seventh Try

When I reach the door to the rooftop, I hesitate. Thinking about it, creating a situation in which I'm alone with Yuri could be counterproductive. My hand, reaching for the door's pommel, stops halfway.

 _...!_ I shake that idea off. Right now, going back on my tracks would make things worse. I inhale sharply, steel my resolve and open the door.

The moment I step onto the rooftop, an abstract blade pierces through me.

 _Eh...? What?_ I touch my chest, confirming the state it is in. Sure enough, there are no signs of blood, much less a knife's blade.

 _Wha- !_ The feeling strikes me once again. One, two, three times. I feel the blade sliding in, entering my body, but it's _not there._

"..." Something is wrong. Something is _horribly_ wrong _._ But _what_ _is it?_ _Where is it?_ _What do I have to do to fix it?_

Extreme unease, unlike anything I've ever experienced, assails me repeatedly. The script I wrote - the story made by me - it never said anything about this!

"Em..." That's when I hear someone's voice. My muscles force my body into motion, moving at a speed I'm normally unable to travel at. After distancing myself, I look back, frightened.

But there is nothing there; nothing but a girl staring at me with a concerned expression.

"Are you okay?" Yuri, without waiting for an answer, steps onto the rooftop. She reaches me in a couple of paces.

"... Sorry, I spaced out." I try shrugging it off. Due to her shy personality, if I don't invite her to ask about it, she won't.

"... Okay." She looks at me, then makes a small smile. "Where should we sit?"

 _I haven't come here before, but..._ "there," I say while pointing at the fences separating us from free fall. I know it's a strange position, and I could definitely have a better idea if I tried, but I wrote this. I want to make everything goes the same way, so I'll imitate the storyline as closely as possible.

After taking a seat, I start the discussion. I ask her about psychological novels, ideologies, and some ideas for books that haven't been written yet. She takes an active part in the conversation, completely forgetting her previous shyness.

 _She really is charming in a way..._

We end up talking for hours. Every time I feel slightly drowsy, I pinch myself, reminding myself I need to stay awake. Every second matters - if I don't want to see her kill herself, I need to create a link to her as soon as possible.

After four hours of talking, we stand back up.

"That was an interesting discussion! I feel like I learned a lot." I couple my words with a smile, making sure to look straight into her eyes. "You really are a great person, Yuri. I feel jealous just _thinking_ about your boyfriend."

"Eh - wha - wha?" Yuri wants to ask a question, but she's too busy stuttering.

"If I didn't know better, I would've definitely tried making a move on you..." I sigh.

"Eeh - uh - um?" If I didn't know better, I'd think Yuri had a speech impediment.

Seeing her behavior tells me this is the moment to land the finishing blow. "Well then, I'll be going. Until next time!" I smile once again, then start heading to the roof's entrance.

 _In 1... 2... 3..._ "Um - wait!"

Just as I'm about to open the door, Yuri's voice reaches me. I turn around, trying to look hesitant.

"Is... something wrong?" I look at Yuri quizzically, trying to convey I don't know why she told me to wait.

Her face is red, but I can't tell whether it's due to embarrassment or panic. She casts her eyes downwards and says, "I... I... I don't have a boyfriend..." Her words fade out into the distance, but they're loud enough for me to hear. She looks up at me, waiting for a reaction.

At those words, I simply smile. "That means I'll have one more reason to make 'next time' come as soon as possible!"

Yuri's blush worsens, and she looks away while playing with her hair. Her reaction is identical from the time in the game.

Knowing that staying longer will only affect the impact my words have, I quickly leave. I open the door, then make my way down the stairs.

"..." Once I'm out of Yuri's eye range, I bang my fist against a wall.

"Dang it..." I feel like a bast*rd. Utilizing the inevitability etched to DDLC to toy with her feelings - what kind of person am I? I hate it, I absolutely hate it. I hate myself for lying, and despite knowing there is no other way to settle this situation, I feel like absolute scum. In my world, I never acted that way. I knew first-hand having someone treat me like this was horrible, so why am I replicating their behavior?

While cursing myself, I head back to class.

* * *

#101 One Hundred and First Try

I return to class two hours before lessons end and sit at my desk. My head falls on the desk's surface. I shut my eyelids, forcing all my thoughts out of my head.

Time passes, but nothing happens.

 _What is going on?_ _Why do I not feel tired?_ _What is happening? Why is it different?_ The indescribable feeling makes its way through me once again. An invisible knife pierces my heart, leaving an invisible scar.

"..." I stare down at my chest, touching it to confirm the visual information. Nothing is there; why would there be? I can't understand what is happening.

"... Hello?" That's when Sayori appears. She peeks at my classroom outside, her eyes scanning over the empty room.

I slap my cheeks, take a deep breath and get up from my seat. Leaving my fantasies for later, I make my way to her side. My smile is reciprocated by hers.

"I'm here~ let's go!" She nods energetically and turns her shoulders to me, inviting me to follow her. I do so without question.

After a few minutes, Sayori stops in her tracks. She turns her eyes to me, looking for something.

"..." Instead of saying anything, she stares at me.

"Is anything wrong? Did you forget to get your bag from the classroom?" I ask her. She shakes her head, then opens a classroom's door.

"We're here~" Sayori walks into the classroom with her usual manner, seemingly free of worries. Her change in behavior makes me feel somewhat hesitant, but I follow her into the classroom.

When I step into the classroom, my vision confirms the presence of three other girls. One of them is sitting, reading a book with a strange title, while the other two are simply rummaging through their backpacks. When the former notices, she says, "welcome to the literature club. It's a pleasure meeting y-"

She doesn't get to finish her sentence. Her face remains frozen for a reason I know far too well.

Just before Sayori can pick up on Yuri's reaction, Natsuki stops looking through her stuff and addresses her. "Seriously? You brought a boy? Way to kill the atmosphere."

 _Natsuki must love making the best first impressions,_ I think.

That's when Monika turns to me. _It feels sort of strange, knowing in advance what she's going to_ sa _-_

#1 First Try

Monika smiles at me and says, "ah, XXXXXX! What a nice surprise! Welcome to the club!"

#17 Seventeenth Try

Monika makes a small smile. "Hey XXXXXX, welcome to the club!"

#52 Fifty Second Try

Monika looks at me, her expression neutral. "Welcome to the club."

#71 Seventy First Try

Monika simply looks at me with empty eyes. "..."

#100 One Hundredth Try

 **Red, red, red. Red is all I see. Red on the walls, red on the floor, red on the tables. Red on my face, red on hers. Red is everywhere, everywhere. Red is inside me. Red is inside you. Red is red.**

 **On red I trend.**

 **Red - dead end.**

* * *

#52 Fifty Second Try

Monika looks at me, her expression neutral. "Welcome to the club."

 _...?!_ Her reaction absurdly throws me off. Her eyes aren't particularly cold, but I can't perceive any type of warmth inside them.

"..." I keep looking at her. I know, for sure, that something is off. Monika wouldn't act like this. After all, this is the first time I'm meeting her.

I wish I could tell that I was wrong back then.

w

ww

wwwwwwwwwwW

WwWWwwWWwwwwW

#51 Fifty First Try

And so, the day of the festival has come. I was able to convey how much Sayori meant to me, help Yuri suppress her self-harming impulse and save Natsuki from her father. The time I spent here often made me feel manipulative, but it was well worth; this result is all I could ever hope for.

Right now, I'm getting the club room ready for the literature show with Monika.

"*whistle*" I feel extremely excited. We made all the preparations we had to, and I can tell it's going to be awesome. That said, while the event will surely be enjoyable, I can't wait to visit the stalls and join in on the festival vibe!

"Haa..." I sigh, letting my body relax. _I've finally managed to save them. Now..._

I turn to Monika. Until now, I kept my feelings to myself because I had an objective, but now... I'm free. I've already told her my real name, and she said it fit me perfectly. She questioned why I introduced myself with a fake name, to which I answered, 'I thought you weren't the real Monika, and I wanted to make sure you were before I abandoned my original world for this one.'

There have been good and bad times, but now that our problems are settled, maybe I can-

"Hey XXXXXX, can I ask you a question?" Monika interrupts my thoughts.

I smile at her. "Sure, ask away."

"What's the easiest way to make someone realize they're stuck in a time loop?"

"Mhm... I didn't expect a question like that coming from you."

"Whatever, just answer it. I want to hear your thoughts, as I too have a... theory."

"What I can think of is this: do something that will leave a big impression on the person and then try to make them recall it."

"But what if you want them to retain their memories from all cycles?"

"That's the problem - I can only think of one solution, and it's not the best of solutions."

"What would that be?"

"Show them a corpse - or make one out of them."

A heavy silence sits between us. I can't read Monika's expression, and for some reason, it's scaring me.

Trying to overwrite what I said, I say, "but who would want someone to remember them that way? Only hate can stem from such a method. In fact,-"

"But what if there was someone who retained her memories, and she was suffering?" She walks towards me, knocking over the things we've been setting up until now.

"What if she was **forced to repeat** the loops over and over, knowing the person by her side should remember for her sake, but **he doesn't?** " She steps on the banner Yuri made while on her way to me.

"What if her **only hope,** her only light, was such a method?" Monika shoves her face into mine. She is far too close for comfort, and what she's saying is starting to scare me.

.

.

.

!

 **Wait a second, does she mean-**

"...Ah. Ahah. Ahahah. AhahahAHAHAH, **AHAHahahAHhAHh,** **AHahahHaHAHAHAHAHhaHAhAhHA!** " Monika breaks out into laughter.

"I really don't know why I'm asking you, after all, you will forget this conversation **ever happened** a couple of minutes from now.

If that's so,

 **won't you die for me?"**


	5. Chapter 4

#17 Seventeenth Try

After spending the afternoon in the club, it's finally time to go back home. As expected, I was given the task to write a poem and take it back to class.

 _Mmh..._ I was initially hoping I wouldn't have to write a poem, as I'm quite terrible at it, but if I declined the offer, things could go a different way than what's expected. In order to make sure everything goes the right way, I need to mimic the actions of the MC perfectly.

"What are you thinking about?" Sayori severs my line of thought with a simple question that has no simple answer.

I don't even need to think about it; "I'm thinking about what I should write in the poem."

Sayori looks surprised. "Woah - so you're actually taking this seriously?"

I grin. "How else should I take it?"

She looks at me with doubting eyes. "Like everything else - half-assedly."

"That's horrible, Sayori! I'm not that useless!" I play my role perfectly. Sayori sticks her tongue out, then smiles.

We're about to reach my house when I stop in my tracks.

Sayori is slightly ahead of me, so she turns around to see what I'm doing.

"...?" She stares at me, trying to spot any hints of emotion through my outer appearance.

After a delay I find suitable, I say, "you know - I'm just starting to realize how much happiness you brought me by being by my side."

"Em - " Sayori casts her eyes to the side, not knowing how to react otherwise. Her reaction is only natural; having someone say that out of the blue isn't the epitome of normal.

I whisper quietly, quiet enough for only the two of us to hear, "after all, if it wasn't for you, I would've probably ended it already."

.

.

.

Silence invades the air between us. Sayori, standing just a little further ahead, remains at a complete standstill.

"..." I can see her repeating my words inside her head, trying to understand the true meaning behind it.

And before long, "...!" it hits her.

That's when her expression turns extremely serious. Her gaze turns into a glare, her smile into a scowl. I haven't seen her angry before, but I think that's how she would look if I did.

"Ahahah! Never mind that!" I laugh it off, wiping off all previous emotion from my face. The action requires some effort, but I achieve the result I was hoping for.

Sayori intensifies her glare.

"Memini - what did you just say?" Her words are loaded with emotion I can't fully understand, but I don't have to care. I simply set my feet in motion, and start heading back to 'home' again.

That's when Sayori violently grabs my wrist.

"I asked. Answer." Sayori's personality has flipped on its head.

I look away from her eyes and say, "I said I don't know what I should write in the poe-" Not letting me finish, Sayori violently jerks my hand. She looks as if she's about to say something, but no sound comes out of her mouth.

 _I know what she's thinking._ She's just figuring out she won't be able to make me repeat myself.

Five minutes pass. She keeps trying to say something, but she doesn't convey it.

When I think the time is just right, I say, "can you pretend you never heard that?"

Before I can finish my sentence, "no," comes out of Sayori's mouth. She tightens her grip on my hand, to the point it starts hurting.

After five more minutes, she breaks the deadlock.

"... Come." Without waiting for me to understand what she said, she breaks into a run, pulling me with her. She runs at such a speed, keeping up is difficult.

She only stops once she's reached her destination - her house.

"You are coming inside." Sayori pulls me with all her strength. I try to resist her, but she somehow manages to completely negate my resistance. She shoves me through the front door, then locks it behind her.

I turn my eyes to Sayori, experiencing genuine anger for the first time in a while. That said, her look is just as defiant as mine.

"You are **not** leaving **until I say so**." The way she says those words almost makes it seem like she's spitting them out of her mouth.

 _I knew it._ Sayori acts weak when it comes to things that regard herself, but there's something more to her. It was easily seen by her wanting to not bother any of the people she was close to.

Sayori is dead-set on ensuring everyone she cares about is happy. No one can suffer; no exceptions.

And by saying the words I said, I've triggered this founding principle of hers. Now, she won't be capable of doing anything until she solves the problem before her.

Still grasping my hand in hers, she drags me up to her room with furor.

Once we reach her room, she makes me sit next to her... on her bed.

I look down at her hand, still holding my wrist.

"I'm not going to let you run away." Almost as if reading my thoughts, she says this.

Trying to get out of this situation, I say, "what if I have to go to the toilet?"

"I'll go with you." _Wait, she doesn't even consider the option of waiting outside? Does she think I'll escape through the window?_

I remain silent. Once again, silence settles between the two of us.

After some time, her hold loosens a bit.

"... Why? Why? What made you feel that way?" Sayori fixes her gaze to me, her crystal eyes clouded by a sea of sorrow.

 _I can't screw this up._ If I seem like I'm acting for a single second, this is going to become a horrible situation. I need to ensure I display the exact emotions I should be feeling right now to make this work out.

Sadness.

Loneliness.

Grief.

Hate.

All of these come back to me. I extract every last bit of sorrow from my memories and rechannel it within me. I see pictures I never wanted to see again, memories that left indelible marks on the human being known as XXXXXX. In all these pictures, there isn't a single thing that I want to remember. In all these pictures, I can't see anything but pitch black darkness.

"... I don't know... I don't know..." I cover my face with my hands, feeling tears accumulate inside my eyes.

Sayori, seeing me reduced to this state, pulls me into an embrace.

"... It's okay," she whispers, "I'm here for you now."

"Sayori... Sayori..." I weakly return her embrace.

"It must've been tough, holding all of that inside..." She speaks to me tenderly, as if she was handling a delicate sculpture.

"Sayoriiii..." I tighten my hold on her, pulling myself closer. She doesn't put up any resistance, instead, she readily wraps her arms around me.

* * *

We end up spending an hour in that position. After a while, I pull away and apologize. Sayori says it's okay, and that she was glad she could help.

"Thank you, Sayori - I really wouldn't know what to do if you weren't here for me.

If you weren't by my side,

I can tell I wouldn't be able to bear it."

That's the last nail in the coffin.

Sayori smiles sorrowfully. I know she isn't ready to open up yet, but that doesn't matter. With the sentence I've just said now, I made one thing, one single thing, very clear to her.

 **If you kill yourself, I'm following you to the next world.**

And because I know her well, I also know she could never take an action that could backlash on me.

* * *

Two hours later, I exit Sayori's house.

"See you tomorrow!" I wave at her, and she waves back. Right now, she looks incredibly frail, but I know tomorrow she'll feel much better than she did up until today.

Sayori starts shutting her house's door.

3...

2...

1...

Once the door closes, a pang of guilt strikes my gut with force akin to that of a sledgehammer.

 _Why... Why?_ I don't fully know whether I was lying or not when it came to depression, but I do know one thing: I just used something no one was ever meant to use for my own advantage.

I bite down on my lip. If I didn't feel pain so vividly, I would've probably bitten right into my flesh.

 _I hate this._ I don't want to lie to any of them; I don't want to manipulate any of their feelings! I would much rather say everything, reveal where I come from, but...

 _Nothing would go the right way if I did._ Their problems wouldn't be solved, and it would become even harder to solve them using this method. DDLC's script didn't allow good outcomes up until the very end, and it definitely wouldn't rearrange itself to suit me. Hence, I need to get rid of these feelings.

I force my mind to get rid of unnecessary thoughts. Getting caught up in emotion can only lead to tragedy. I need to divert tragedy, hence, I can't do so. I shake myself up, and focus once again.

 _As of now, I must steel my resolve._ _I wrote it in the book, so I can't back out now._

I'm about to do something I can't take back - something that may very well haunt me for the rest of my life.

 _That said, if I don't, I have no idea whether the story will flow the way I want it to._

By now, I'm essentially a slave to the story.

Eliminating all emotion, I run back into my house.

The sharpest - the sharpest.

 **Re̛̻a̺̫͖p͢ ͏̪̜̬l̵̼̬͕̟if̞̺̟͈̯̻͍͘e̦͚̱͞.̙̦̥͕̟̙̩͝ ̖͓͖̤͙̝̱R̺͕͙e͓̬ap͔ l͚̫͔if҉͚͎͔̠̘̖e͏̯̗̼̜̖.**

I

will

 **r̫̮̭̳͝é͕̣͔a̸̳̺̱̪p̟̺**

 **l̻̹i̭̲̰̜͎͎f̷͕͈͈̙e̶**

* * *

#67 Sixty Seventh Try

I shouldn't know where Natsuki lives - that's true. There should be no way for me to know where her house is.

 _'Should'._ In reality, while I don't know, I can find her. In order to make sure I could track her, I slipped a tracking device in her bag. I shouldn't have had it, but it seems that every object I wrote into the story conveniently appears in my pockets.

I look at the retro-styled tracking device between my hands. Initially, I test which direction is left and which is right. A second later, I start quickly making my way in the signal's direction.

Eventually, I reach it. The red dot and the green one are touching each other, and I am facing a moderately sized house.

Without ulterior hesitation, I open the door. Considering the fact Natsuki's father always comes home drunk, it's obvious he wouldn't be able to open it. While I would advise her to keep it locked, keep him away from her, I'm not here to do that.

I'm here to do t̨̪h̳͚̯̼̬̲́į̩̭̘̦s̵̬.̬̗͉̞͉̟͎̀

I hide in a corner of the entrance, right next to the door. Natsuki is either asleep or shut inside her room; I don't have to fear her coming downstairs.

 _It wouldn't be pretty if she did._

... _This is it._ This is where I turn into a machine. I **have** **to** , else I won't be capable of handling the weight of this sin.

I open the bag and hold the blade. I can feel its coldness permeate my body, alongside a strange sense of comfort.

 _According to my estimates, her father should arrive in six hours._ Within those six hours, everything will be buried. I will throw away who I am to give Natsuki a brighter future.

But that's okay. Even if I have to destroy the human known as XXXXXX, I will do it.

Door opened. Adrenaline rush thr. Mind **fade** , **split** particle, **leave** world.

But that's okay.

Everything

 **r̗̹̠̥e͏̜̠d͈̣ ̴͍͖̙͓̙ŕ̦̻̺̫̙ẹ̺̝͡d̼̗̲̤̭̩ ̧̣͙re̯̺̻̟̖̹̥d̷̙̰ ͕͍̼̲̯͇̫͢re̢̖ḏ̡̬̤̠̯̮ͅ ̠̼͝r͏e̹̳͈̳͎̮d̛̘̥͖̤**

But that's okay.

So

 **b̷̗l̝̟̫ͅo̭̼̥̕ọ͍̬̹̘d͕̩̻̦͜ͅ ͙͙͚̤͕̼ḇ͈̻̲̹̀l̶͖̯͍̫o͎̜̣̺͉̦̗o̢d҉̪̩̹̭ ͖̺̤̱̘̙̥͘b̹̮̀ͅl҉͇͍̬̳̖oo͢d̻̬͞ ̜̗͉̯̻̹͓́b̼̟͖͚̲̰͚͜l̲̗̭͈̥̣͉o̰o͍̞̭̜d̮͇̪̭̟͇̻ ̖̙b̝̣͈̪̳l͏͖̦̣̭̭̤o̩͎o̩͈d͕͖̫͓**

But that's okay.

Takes last

 **b͖͕͙r̭̦̙͇e̡̟͓͖̗͖̤͉at̗̼̖̘h̼̣̱̪͝ ̜̯ͅb͏͚̜̖̭͈̦̱r̩̩̘̻̤̮e̺̟̼͚͚̯̟ąt͜h̺̰̺ ̀b̦͎̪͔ͅr̪̠̳̥̹e͞a̢̟̺̖̲͎̝t̜͔͚͕͓͡h̝͎̖̗̱̭͢ ̹̺̠̠̠̜͝b͖͓͉̞̩̭̕r̢͓͔͇̹e̤a̞͚̠͍t̲h̝͝ ҉̥̰̗̞ͅb̝̞͈̝͖̖̱r͚̮̱̻e͈͘a̞̪̪͈͖̼ț̮̰̻̬̦ͅh̼**

But that's okay.

 **I͖̭̫͈̫ ̱͕̺ͅw͖͙̙̼ͅi͈ll̗̪̺̖̱ ̮̻͎̼̥̙͠b̳̺̹̣ͅȩ͈̬c̞͍o̦̲̺͝m̜̟e͍̲̣̻̙̦ ̺͇͖͓̟̲͍m͕̜͉͓̭a̰͞c̰̗͎͙͇̫̺h̫̩̳̰͢i̸̬̼̲̜n̠̤̣e̡̳͙̖̹**


	6. Chapter 5

#98 Ninety Eighth Try

 **"CRICK."**

I felt it - I heard it. I could even tell what it was.

 **"CRACK."**

I don't know how I could tell. It was a sound I'd never heard before, something I shouldn't be able to recognize, but did regardless.

 **"CRUNK."**

Was it because it was dear to me? Was it because I didn't want to lose it? I'll never know. After all, it's long gone. And now that it was taken, it can no longer be restored.

 **" - SNAP!"**

It should've been quiet, but it was louder than anything else. It could've shattered my eardrums if I wasn't careful enough.

The sound of something **breaking** inside me.

#54 Fifty Fourth Try

Black or white.

Right or wrong.

Good or bad.

What differentiates these things? The opinion of a mere observer? The lives lost in the process?An anomalous fluctuation of the soul?

 _That sounds unfair._ Why should someone's mood swings decide the nature of things? Why should the death count decide what's correct and what isn't? Why do humans use the word justice so much, knowing it's nothing but a poor excuse to carry out violence?

If I knew the answers, maybe I wouldn't feel the need to throw up.

I sprint to the bathroom, kneel before the toilet and spit. I don't know why I am, as nothing comes out, but the urge is there.

The necessity to be anywhere else other than inside my own body.

I sit on the floor, waiting for the urge to disappear, but it attacks me with renewed ferocity instead.

"..." Haha... I feel like an idiot. Who the hell could act normally after doing such a thing? How did I think I just had to 'become someone else'? Even if I destroy my own sense of morals, the pain will remain, eating away at me from the inside.

"... Okay then." Finally, the urge fades away. I'm not sure how long it takes, as I quickly lost track of time. That said, the sky is now clear, and the sun's light is filtering through the windows.

 _Time to get back._ I swallow everything, forcing myself to stop thinking about it. _Those actions were taken for a reason,_ and while I reckon there was a better way to go about it, if I change anything the story could possibly end the wrong way. I need to make sure to take these exact actions, never deviating from them. I need to follow the same path, not straying no matter what.

 **Regardless** **of** how much **time** it takes.

#45 Fourty Fifth Try

In the end, I decide to skip breakfast. My stomach still feels like it's about to turn inside out, and giving it a reason to fail me would be stupid. I quickly get dressed, feeling the pressing need to get out of the house as fast as I can.

After all, this place is empty. There's a hardly any furniture, and the air feels stagnant. What kind of human being could possibly live in this place?

I exit the front door. It's 6:00 am, and not a single living soul is outside their house.

 _... Alright._ I've got a task ahead of me, so I should get going.

After a long walk, I finally reach 'it'. I can't read Japanese, but the building before me must be the police station. There are several men walking in and out, and they're dressed in uniforms without exceptions.

 _Natural. Natural. I must act natural._ Considering how little ago the murder took place, even the slightest sign could give the policemen the right idea about me. I cannot allow that to happen. I took extra care in making myself untraceable, so I can't send everything to hell now.

I step into the police station. A man catches sight of me looking around and approaches me.

"What may you be here for?" he asks politely. His attire reflects his attitude: straightforward and to the point.

I glance around a couple more times before saying, "... is Natsuki here?"

The man's eyes widen, but he ignores my question. "What may you be here for?"

I open my mouth to say something but stop halfway. I then close it, biting my lip.

"I'm a friend of someone who was involved in tonight's... murder. We've only recently become friends, so I don't know her surname, but I ran here as soon as I saw the news. Please, let me see her! I can't bear doing nothing when I know how lonely she feels!" My feelings spill out, and my eyes turn lucid. I squeeze my hands and try to keep my eyes from moving away from the man's.

Taken aback, the man takes a couple of seconds to fully understand what is happening. When his mind catches up, his mouth utters the words, "please follow me."

He leads me down a corridor, then takes a right and a left. Eventually, he stops before a door.

"... Please lift her spirits." The man leaves without opening the door. I know the situation, so it's probably for the best.

I enter the room.

#1 First Try

I see her. Sitting on the ground, in a corner of the room, Natsuki is hugging her knees to her chest. Her expression clearly conveys what she's feeling.

And it's not delight.

#17 Seventeenth Try

I see her. Sitting on the ground, in a corner of the room, Natsuki is hugging her knees to her chest. Her expression clearly conveys what she's feeling.

And it's not delight.

#57 Fifty Seventh Try

I see her. Sitting on the ground, in a corner of the room, Natsuki is hugging her knees to her chest. Her expression clearly conveys what she's feeling.

And it's not delight.

#99 Ninety Ninth Try

The moment I lay eyes on her, it breaks. It disappears. It melts into an unrecognizable stream of nothingness.

 **b͎͇̮̥̭͝l҉̹̹a̤͇̻̙c̯͠k̠**

 **B̩͚̳͙͙̣͍͝l̴̘̣̜̝̗̤͔a҉̙̲̱͔c̪͈̰̻͇̘k̫̠̫̠͢ b͎͇̮̥̭͝l҉̹̹a̤͇̻̙c̯͠k̠ b͎͇̮̥̭͝l҉̹̹a̤͇̻̙c̯͠k̠**

B̷̤̭̟̥̠̰̼o̼͞ḍ̩i̘̪͚̻̯̥̖e͔̜̣̠͓͕s̗͚. **B̷̤̭̟̥̠̰̼o̼͞ḍ̩i̘̪͚̻̯̥̖e͔̜̣̠͓͕s̗͚.**

"̡̫A͈̥̫̖͘A͙̩̬A͏̞͖h̩͇͓̰̣-͕̰̩̠̙̪̱͟ ҉͇̲̪ **A̻̜̜͞H̭̼͖̝̪̤H͇̠̗̥͠H̗͓̱̠͎̮̣H̖̱͇̦H҉͖H̩͍H͚̩̤͍̮͔̭H̘̝H̠͙̳̰͈̠H̰̤͚͕͍H̡̫A̷̗A̺͈͉̺̘̫͕͜Ḁ̯̻̱Á͈̝̖̮A̲̭A̛̠͙̣̯A̧̯̹ͅA͈̻̯̣͜AA̛A͙͈̩̣A̢͎̞̱̥A͖̳̰͠Á̤̩̗A̯̼̮͘AA̮̥̟̖̫ͅͅA̳͓A͖̼̘̲̳̘H̫H҉̱͓̥H̺̺͉̲H̳̤͔H͏͇̟͓͇̭ͅH̤̜͖̞̫ͅH͉̝͕̗͇̖H̻H͉͉̙͠H͢H̛͕͕̮͇̣̜H̹̠̕H͏͓̹̺̖ͅH̬͟Ḩ̹͕͔͓̱H̛̱H͙̝͔̫̕H͈̹̳̮̤H̵͇̠̮H̠̬̜̮̭H̯̦͎͡ͅH͚̠̦̬H͍̹̥̭͎̜͝H͔͢!͝"͕̟͓͚**

I see it. I feel it. It surrounds me. It drags me. It pushes me. It's inside. It's outside. It's there. It's here.

̥̱ͅI̲͔̼͉T̤͘ ̴͚͍̟͎̺̲̙C̕A͔͇̮̪͔N̸̪̘͓̙̖̣̯'ͅT̬̘̤̩̟̫̭ ͎S̹͕͔ͅṬ̸̻̙̝A̛͙̩̥̗̭̲Y̢̮̤͇͈͓̝ͅ ͍̣̤̦̟͕͢ **IN̳̻̞̹̙**.̤͈̹

I̫T̢̩̣̣̜͇̤ ̭̹͉̱͢C̝̘͓̝̫̼̼A̧͍N̞̜'͏͍̰̱̼͖̲T̨ ͖̼͉̫͍͇̲G͍͓̹̻̠ET̬͔̙̭͎ ͉̰͖̪͉̦͝ **O҉U̻͓̥T̵͍͔̟̭̦͔̬**.̩̙̙̼̪̫͎  
̗͝

"Let's find a happy ending, shall we?"

 **S0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCBLSUxMIEtJTEwgS0lMTCA=**

* * *

 _..._

"What's wrong?"

 _... huh?_

"Why did you stop so suddenly?"

 _... what?_

"Hey, anyone there?"

 _... who?_

"I'm not liking your attitude, you know?"

 _... where?_

"Oh well, it doesn't really matter. Even if you break, nothing will change. Regardless of how you feel right now, you will inevitably go through the same motions, trying to reach something, and ultimately fail."

 _... why?_

"Don't get me wrong; your stubbornness got me a lot of data. If it wasn't for it, I would've definitely regretted pulling you in."

 _... when?_

"That said, I don't want to have to deal with it again. If they all had the resistance you had, it would be extremely hard to progress."

 _... how?_

Something starts shining, opening my field of view.

"It's time for me to get going; more progress is waiting. Before you go, leave your memories behind;

return to being part of this circus of ours.

That's all you're good for anyways."

* * *

#13 Thirteenth Try

I start approaching Natsuki when a surge of pain hits me. I feel my heart being squeezed like a toy, without regard for how painful it may be.

 _..._ I realize _I have no right to feel this way_ , but I still do.

Not knowing exactly what to do, I simply sit next to her. She remains in position, not shifting an inch.

"... Um..." I try to say something, catch her attention, but I realize anything I could say would be meaningless. The pain of losing a loved one isn't something that can be smoothened over with just words, and I feel stupid for thinking that way.

Regardless, I still act out the scene I created.

I wrap my arms around Natsuki, trying to hold her as tightly as possible. She doesn't resist, taking no action whatsoever in response to mine. I approach her ear with my lips and whisper, "I know what happened. I'm not conceited enough to think I can make you feel better with words, but I will tell you this: I'm here for you. I will always be here for you. And no matter what, I'll ensure you don't have to suffer this much ever again."

I don't know if she heard me - I don't know if she feels my embrace - but the tears coming out of her eyes are surely real.

* * *

#57 Fifty Seventh Try

It takes a while, but Natsuki wakes up. Noticing the fact I'm embracing her, she freaks out, but her emotions soon melt into the air. Instead of saying anything, she returns the embrace.

"I know I'm being selfish, I know I shouldn't ask for this, but please let me stay like this... just for a little while longer." Her voice makes her seem as if she's about to disappear. I tighten my embrace, pulling her closer.

"Be as selfish as you like."

Those are all the words we exchange, and I'm okay with that.

Because right now, actions are what matter.

* * *

After two hours, we exit the police station together. While the officers will keep Natsuki with them a while longer, I got them to agree to my request.

'Please let me talk to her just a little.'

And so, here we are, walking through streets I have never seen before.

"..." Unlike her normal behavior, Natsuki is extremely quiet. I didn't expect her to say anything, but seeing her like this shows her huge gap between 'happy' and 'sad'.

 _I feel like scum for even thinking that._

I keep walking next to Natsuki, silently. There is no exchange of words, but I can tell she's thinking of something to ask. However, before she can do so, I open my mouth.

"Natsuki, I know we met just a day ago, but promise me something. If you're backed against a corner, if you feel like there's no one you can trust, come to me. I will find a solution no matter what."

"..." Natsuki opens her mouth, but she closes it before saying anything.

I make a small smile, something that resembles nothing but a hint of one. "If you don't have anywhere to go, I will make you become part of my family. I've never had a sister, and honestly it would be pretty cool if I had someone like you by my side."

Natsuki looks at me, her eyes hazy. She's about to cry, but she somehow holds it inside.

I pull her to my chest without warning.

"... and don't try so hard to look good in front of me. If you have to cry, cry. Right now, I won't judge you no matter no selfish you are."

"... ugh..." Natsuki emits a small cry. She grabs onto my shirt, burying her face in it.

I don't say anything. After a while, she lets go.

I take her back to the police station, knowing her business isn't done yet. I've already added my phone number to her contacts list, and told her time and time again to call me if she needs any help whatsoever. "Even if it's stupid, call me."

"... Okay." She nods weakly, turns her shoulders and heads back into the station. I remain there a little while longer, wondering just how horribly I must be to do all this.

 _Very f*cking horrible,_ I think to myself.

That said, with this, Natsuki is safe. All that is left is a little touchup on Yuri and -

"Monika."

* * *

#52 Fifty Second Try

In the end, I decide to head to school. I feel exhausted, but I can't go resting now.

On my way there, I notice something strange. For some reason, I don't see many people on the streets.

In fact, it seems like no one is here _at all._

 _...!_ Fright assails me.

 _What's going on?_ I start running as fast as I can. I feel my muscles give out under the overexertion, but I don't slow down.

That's when I reach the school.

"..." A movie film contains 24 to 25 images shot in a second and puts them in sequence with more images to create a story. That's how it goes normally, right?

Well, imagine the movie was planned ahead. Imagine everything was going to be recorded on the right type of film and it was going to be a success until someone made a mistake.

What mistake, you ask? Well, they forgot to put the film in a suitable container, and the film got exposed to the sun. It could no longer contain anything thereon, and a new one would have to be purchased. The movie can no longer be finished.

It's the same thing for an actor. What if a central part of the cast was suddenly hospitalized due to a bad sickness?

And what if **M̛̯̭̘̰͖͇̠̯̼̺͍̮̺͍̖͇̥̜̮̐̓̄͆ͮ̔͗ͧͨ̒̓̚͟͜öͣͥ̔ͭͯ̐ͮ̈́͏̸̡̨̯͍̘̫͉̙̝͔̤̦̲̜̜̬͍͎̠̼͜ņ̛͈̟̥̼̬̪͖͖͓̭̖̜̰ͬ͗͒ͩi̸̞̰̹̲̝̠̜͙ͩͧ͛͊͋ͤͥ͡͞k̒̏͊ͩ̒̿͗͗ͦ͊͋̚͏̵̶̲̬͇͕̀́aͤ̒͑͒͒̄̉̾̇̏ͦ̊ͬ̀҉̵̢̮̱͓͖̱͖̬̤̺͕̻̰̹͙͇ ̑̈͂̈́̓̏̇͐̆̓ͬ̿ͥ̒ͣ͋́ͦ̚͏̞̜̞̯͞w̷̷̫̘̭̠͔̟̞̖͓͔̫͚̯̰̯͔͎͒ͮͭ̓̈́ͭ̽̒ͥ̄͂̌͘͠͡ͅa̸̧̧̬̳̙͎̪͑̌ͦͭ̊̐͞͡s̢͆͐̅̇̔͐̍̋ͤ̽ͭ͏̻̣̻̞̲̳̭͕̞͇̝͎̪͈̖ ̴̸̴̺̫̦̫̼̘͓̩̏̉̈́́p̵̸̟͔̘̩̟͒͛̃̀̄̿ͣͫ̅̕̕͡l̥͙̪͇̠̮̘̹̘̼̣̖̠͎̈́̀̏͑̀ͪ̓̓́̿̍͜͞u̴̢̙̳͔̤̹̟̼̩̩̟̠̓̔̏̎̆̅ͭͭ̂̊͠m͇̻̪̙͈̥͇̘͂ͭ̅͂̅̔ͭ͛͆̕͜͟͡͝ͅm̡̧͉̭̼͇̲̱̠̰͈̟̼̼̞̦ͫͥͭ̿ͦ̇̾ͅeͦ̂̓ͧ͐̄̓ͯͤ͆̔ͤͨ̾͑͑̚͜҉̫̺͉̥̬̪͍̯͜͞t̴̯̼̭̖̉̓̏͛̊ͮ͛̂ͨ́̓͒̇ͫ̍̍̃̕͜ḯ̘̗̤̺̤̰̳̀̐ͤͬ́n̵̵̟͖͔͉̥̽ͮ͒͌͌ͨ̐͗͐͆̎̓ͣͪ̂͟͢͡ͅg̨̞̬̣͎̖̦̹ͮ̐ͮ͋́͠ͅ ̵̢͉̭͇̳͍͉̠͑ͭ̓̇̄̃͟͞͝t̡ͣ̈́̋́̓͛͐͘͏̬̫̺̭͙̗̖̖̫̟̮̯̘͈͉̟̠̺ǫ̛̤͔̩̠̳̱̫͎̮̤̠̟ͫ͋ͮ̈́̄́̀ͅ ͛͗͌ͥ̅͑ͣ̐́҉̸̛̱̖͙̰̼̼̻̖̫͍͝ț̸̵̷̵̙̫͉̝̱̻̜̮͆̈̆ͦ̍̅ͣ̓̆͑̎ͩ̃̽̈́͂́h̷̵̷̛̠̗̣̭͉͕̲̘͉ͭ̽ͬͮͨ̂̂͆͒ͯͨͦͬȇ̶̶̡̡̼̙̞̼͓̰̬̐́́ͭ̑ͩ͗̀ͦ̿͡ ̶̊́̔̈́͆̌҉̸̩̺̝̳̱͉̬̖̘͇̺̦̰̺͝g̒ͯ͒̋͂ͪ̒̇̍͑̾̌҉̜̺̫̳̼̣͈̰͎̰̦̫͔͚̠̬̟͇̱ŗ͇̪̤̩̭̲̗͎͇͙̙̱͉̝ͫͣͩ̑ͧ̑͜ͅo̵̢̐̇̅̅ͤ҉͈͈̺̬̯u̡̢̾́ͯ͐ͩͨ̽͗ͮ̍̋ͩ̐͒́̚͏̩͓̺̥̼ͅn̸̢͙̗͈̣ͪ͐̋͆̆͌̄̿̂̽ͭ̋͐ͭ̑́̚dͣͯ̿͂̽ͬ̐͠҉͍̜̺͖͎̺̀ ̨̧̡͚̰͓̫͇͖͕͕̤̻̦̊̋̿ͧ̏̔̔̄͋̊͞ͅą̵̷̭̜̟͓͖̻̪͈͇͚̲ͫ̈́̽͒͜t͕͇̲̩̮͈̤̥̱̻̥̖͔̤̪̖̱̋̐ͥͩ̍̀̈͂̔̀ͬ̀ ̶̢́ͫͦ̎͊͛̈̈͒̏̏ͤ̃̀̾҉̳͈̤͉̯͉̥̠̣̬̖̲͉̠̫̺̗ͅs̈ͬͯ͛̎̓̽͌́҉̘͉͚͔̺͚͎̮̰̪̞̫͍͝u͛ͥ́̆̆ͯ́̽̈̆̏ͥ̌̉͒͊̚҉̢̛̲̯̟͕̲̰̱̲c̶̛͎̱͓̫̞̩̩̳̭͇͓̱̩͕͕̗̫̿ͪ̉ͧ̅͆͑̇̃́̊͆̾͂́ͩ͑̚͘h̷̳̪͕͕̗̖͚̣̘̰͇̠͂͂ͬ͗̎͆́͜͡͝ ̶̧͚͙̫͖̮̖͎̻̘̼͉͖͇̭̂̓͊͌͆̈̈́ͧ̑̿ͥͭ̅ͅͅͅą̷ͨͤ̆ͩ͒͏̟͉̤͕͖̫̲͙̼̭̞̱ ̢̛̱̺̙̣̰̘͇ͨͬͮ̓̒ͪ̊ͫ͗͗̚s̨̧ͬ̿̉ͨͣ̈́̎ͦͧ̋ͧͧ̏̾̎̆͌͂̚҉̼̙̟͍̱͎̹͇̲̝̜͓̗ͅͅp̸̫͓͓̥̰̣͚̭̪̝̺̰̼͕̈͂̄͒̀̐̀͟͢͞ë́ͭ͋͆͑͒̉̓ͣ̅͆̊͋ͫ̂͌͒́͏͔̹̠͔͚͓̝̝̰̣͇̜͓ͅe̶̸͓̟͍͇̭͈̥̮̭͍͎̟̤̳͓͍̺̯̽̽͒̒ͨͪ͂ͨͧ̉̕͢d̵̥̳̠̱̖̜̖̠̫̤̲̘̫̟̰̭͐̔̔͌̓̑̈̽̑ͬͪ̽̓̃ͭͬ̉̚̕͜͞ ̸̫̖̗̟͖̙̰ͤ̓̂ͬͪ̑̀͢͜ṯ̵͍̭̠̫͈̑̅̄̃̌ͨͪ͂͊͗̏͛ͪͮ̇ͤ͑ͩ́h͖͓̙̗̲̳͐̃͑͊̎͗͌̐̑̋̑ͫ̓͊̅̉̀͒̑͘͟ͅa̴͎͉̟͙͉͈͎̲̭̙̔̂̈̄ͫͦ̀͠ͅṭ̷̡͙͓̬̥͙̦͕̮̼̭͙̪͖͇̖͑͛ͨͮ̓ͨͯ͌̏̒ͬ͊͋̿͐̀͞ ̶̒̀ͮ̿͐̓ͮ̈ͩ̒̑͢͏̧͚̲̦͓̥̯ç̧̙͓̗̻͕̮̫̝̰̫̳̟͖̆ͤͫ̂̃͒̀͟͠ͅͅȃ̸̢͖̙̹̦̱̳̻̟͙͎̜̰̼̝̐ͤͤ͐ͦ̔ͥ́̉̒̆ͥ̎͊̆͜n̤̮͙͚̬̜ͨ̆͌̅͆̄̌ͫ̂ͩͮ̏ͦ̇͞͞ ̡ͩͧ͑͐̑͂ͧ̅͂͜͏͓̞̦͍̩͓̜̞̱o͊͌̃͌ͥͯ̆ͧ̀̓̇̂̋̉̀̇̿ͫͥ͏̣͍͈͖̰̖n̄ͫͩ́ͥ̇̐ͭ̔͊̑͏̛͢҉̻͔̩͍͍̲͓̻ľ͕̟͍̜͙̮̦̹͉̺̘̜̭͕̟̩̹̖̃̔ͥͨ̓̎ͥ͛̚̕͘͢y͗͛͌̅͑̈͏̺̳̘̝͙̜̬͇͇̬͈̳̠̜̪̠̫̀͘͢͡ ̴̷̱͕̮̹͎͓̯̺͉͕͈͐́͋̐ͥ̌͛̌ͪ̀͋ͯͨ͊̅̚͟m̛̤̠̗͍̱̘̣̽ͬ̅̃ͫ͆͆͆̽̍͊̇̏̏͋͘͟ȩ̶͕̪̙̥͕̺̰̟͈͉͎̳̻̠̺̭͒ͨ̿̐ͧͤ͘͞â̴̠͓͕͈̭̯̩̌̏̊ͥ̉̆͒ͯ͐̏ͩͪ̓͢͟͜͞n̳̩̜͕͓͈̞͚̾̑ͮ̈́̆̆͒̓̎̎͒͘͢͟͝ ͗̅̋ͬ̊͑͋̇́̓͊͑͗ͤ͆͏̨̡̳͉̥̼̜̖͙̥̲́͝o̡͉̘͙̝̻̩̘̭̥̟̖̘͍͋ͦ̒͂ͩ̅́ͭ̑̀̀͞n̛̥̳͇̠͈̹̟̫̮̣̜̯ͯͪͩ̏̿͘͜͡e̴̶̾̐̈́͆̉ͯ̌ͯͥ͑ͯ̏̔͒̑͂͒͏̬̗͈̖̫̙̘ ̵̷͓̰̠͓̮̳̣̞̥͔̈ͪ̃ͦͥ̅̈ͭͦ͋̓͂̔̾͟͞͞ͅͅt̀ͧͯ́̂ͥ̏ͨ̽̅͛͢҉̬̜̪̫̝̻̮̫͙̝̪̦͉͙̤̖͓͞ͅḩ̶̻̠̼̼͙͍͕̱͆̽ͭͥ̍̌͋̄̌̂ͩ́͜i̜̻̗͕͍͚̠̟̖̯̹̦̦͒̓̍̌ͮ̌̀ͧ͛͟͜ͅņ̷̡̛̜͎̘̏̿̋͋́̈́̃̎̂̎̍̚g̩̝̗̟̯̹̙̱͍̭͉̯͓̗̝̲̳͔ͩͦͩ́ͪ͋ͧ̓́͡͝?̷̵̖̩͙̪̤͚̗̖͕̮̝͍͓̮̟̺̇ͮ̆̀̊͐̅͛̇ͨ̏ͥ́ͧ̓̆̚**

 **S̵̷̯͈̰̜̒̎͛̉̈ͧ͂̃ͩ̀͡͠P̖̱̞͔͕͈̬̫̻̠͖̀ͥͪ̊ͬͯ̎ͥ̉̋̌̀́͢͞L̴̡̫̪̱̱̦̥͔ͪ̀̆̃͌͋͐ͤ̈̋͛̔ͯͮ͐ͥ̑̈͜͡ͅA̡̢̧͓̩̣̤̲͎̫͇̫̺̮͖͉̟̦ͫ̓͒͛̍̆ͦ̾ͧ̈́ͩ̈͊͛͋̆ͪ͜Ṡ̷̷̥͙̞͈̮̭̻̭̲̬̜̰̄ͤ̈͌̅̂ͨ̿̊̐̇̐̏͋̿́̕͞H̵̛̯̮͇̟͖ͨͯ̊͂͒̋̒̎̈̿ͦ̇̊̈͒̑̐͂̕͜;̢̧̮̲̬̻̦͚̳͇ͣ́̆́̋͗͊̈́̓͒͜ͅͅT̴̶̤͉̭̳̞͓̭́̽ͭͧ͆ͫͮͤͩͩ̀ͭ͢H̄ͮ̈́ͫ͊͡͏҉͏̟̠̤̠̦̻̭̙̩͎͇̗͈ͅË̵̷́̊ͣͣͣ̈̄͒̅̔ͨ̽̚͢҉̩̼̗̦͖̕ ̵̶͈͙̥̩̤̙̈́ͯ͗ͫ͟͜͝ͅĘ̢͕̻͇̭̳͎̖̼̳̺̥̣͇̙̥͇̖ͮ͋͌ͬ̂̀ͤͤ̈́̎̍̿̃͝Ņ͕̯̼͚̯̗ͧ́ͩͬ͊̽͑̕͢D̵̵͍̙̗̪͕̭͎͓̯̺̟̯͈͔̀̈́̉͂ͥͣ̍̓ͧͣ̅ͤͬ̀̚͢**


	7. Chapter 6

#51 Fifty First Try

At that moment, the world freezes. Time stops flowing, locking me in a hold I can't possibly escape. The sky falls down, crushing everything I wanted to protect alongside me.

 **Happy ending** **-** I wanted to give it a happy ending, so how did it come to this?

 _... it's my fault._ I didn't look hard enough, read deeply enough into Monika's actions.

I lift my gaze to meet hers. Why didn't I notice it earlier? Her eyes no longer possess the brightness they should. All that's left is pain - one that can't be described by words alone.

Seeing me react like that, Monika claps her hands together and says, "you fell for it!"

 _?!_

"I had that idea for a novel - what do you think about it?"

 _?!_

"Hey, XXXXXX, are you there?" Monika waves her hand in front of my eyes, trying to catch my attention.

"..." My mouth remains agape for a while, but I somehow muster a normal response, "it sounds dark."

"It does, doesn't it?" Monika tries to act normally, but her eyes give away the intention behind her words. She wants me to t̮ͩ͂͐́̓̈ͅh̵̹̣̞̒̒ͬi͕̓ͫ̍ͫ̎n̰̹͈̯̤ͨk̼͚̞̉ͫ̽̃̏̾̇ ̞̺̰̆́i̷̙͓ͅt̙̘̔ͦ͋̅̓'̲̠͈̫̺̏̂̌͑ͮ̎s̝̪̯̱ͣͪ̓̊́ ̤͙å̾̏͂ͣͬ̐ ̪̣̹͙̫̅͑ͯ͟j̫̞̖͈̣̦͆ͣ̂͐̔o͚̜̰͙̝̽̏͂ͧ̀k̸̝̭̣͑̃͐ͬͅe̽͛͂́̓.

Hence, I go along with it. I fake my emotions, hiding behind a façade. I play along with her, waiting for her to do it. Waiting for her eyes to turn to the club room's clock.

"..." It was nothing but a fraction of a second, but I saw her eyes clearly shoot a glance at the clock.

That's why I have to **l͂͂̓ͪ̿ͩ̊̔҉̢̛͍̬͍͍̫̻͔͕e̖̘̙̺̦̤̥̲̭̤̩̞̩̘̐̑̏̓̒͂̐̏̅͊̽͘͟a̡̡̻͎̗͈͋ͧ̑͆ͤ̂ͫͫ̇̔̽ͫ̓ͭ͛͌ͣ͞v̢̾̀̔̿̓͊ͪ̆ͤ̏ͥͩ̀̉ͨ͌͑̿́҉̸̛̙͎͙͕̘͝e͖͖͚̩͚̯̹͙̻̩̳͉̿̿ͧ̎͜.̸̈́̈̔͊͆̌̀̋ͪ̓̓̄ͧ͜͞͏̗̳̙̫̳͈̱̗̫.**

"I need to go to the toilet; be right back." Before Monika can say anything, I shut the club room's door behind me and _run._

R̟̊̅ͭu͒̆͡rͨ̑̋ͬͤ͌ͨṵ̰̬r͎̝͕͎̹͖͗̄ͭͧ͒̕ṷ̧͉̺̪̇r̳̲ͪ̑͐̑ͥ̈̈u̟͖̜͐ͮ̐͐ͦr̲̭͋ͣͣ̇ͤ̌ṷ̩̤̏ͣ̊̀̓͜r͉͕̥͙̒͆ͫ͞u͔̺͉̩ͤ͜r͚̜̻͉͚ͬ͗ͪ̂͟u̠̘ͯ̇̿ͤ͞r̗ͨͪ̏̉͗ͅŭͫ͐͞r̬̠̝͍̈̅ͧ̉͊u͎͍̩̱̯̯͕ͫ̓ͣͯ̋̄͜r̵̞̽u̝̙̦̱̫͊ͥ̾ͨ́n̸͇̻͖ͣ̂̉̚̚.̣͇̭̼̗̲ͪ̏̊̔̓͂͆ ̊̀͟R͉͇̫̲̻ͪŭ͙͕̘̋͆̾̏̚r̛̜ͭ̇̚u̻͈r͕̟̜̱̥̣ṵ̷͑r̬̲̫̤̹ͮͬ͆ͨͦ̓u̸̱͚͇̖͖r̠͇ͯ͆͛ͦͅu̹ͣ̒͌̃͂͘ͅr̖̗͕̟̲͕̟̐̆̓ͧ̒̎̔́u͈ͨͮͦr̖̠͛͌̈́̇̑̊u̢̪̦̝̺̘̤͓͒ͨr̟͉̘̂̑̎̉ͯ̏ŭ̲̞̲̤͂̂̄ͩ̒́̚r̝͔̳̒̃ͭ̃͒͘ü̖͔͔̭͙̈́͜n̅̏ͥ̌̌͏̮͖͚ ̠̞̾͆ru̳̤̳͙̯͛̿̈́ͫͫr͎ͤͩͪ̇ͪ̚u͖͖̹̾̓r̠̪̜͚͙̰̎̍u̻̘̤͎̬͐̾̉͢r̰̫̼̮̟̈́̾͑̎ͮ͋ͣ̕ͅu̘̯͊̎͌̍́̓r̐͌̚҉̟̹͚̠ͅú̠̺̭̭̣̗͓r͍̓̅̒ú̢͇̪͙̙̭̳̹̍̊ͪ̒n̩͛ͦ̓ͥͥ.̴̹̉̆͂

R͍̊̓u̷̠̙̞̒̽̊ň͇̤͉̺̣̙̙̐̈ͭ̈̈.̋͛̎ͣ̊̿҉ ͇͙͉̒̏͂̂̀ **R̤͕͚̭̜̝U̖͠N͐͛̃!͖͔̫̰̓͝**

 **ŘÙ̼͖̆̈́̏͛̚N̨͇͕͔ͦ̎ͤͨͭͪ͂!̬̪̹̳̭̦͊͊ͦ̀͒̕ͅ!͙͍̲͔͑͞ͅ!̱̤̪̾̃ͣ̚**

* * *

#57 Fifty Seventh Try

I reach the home economics room in no time. This is where cooking classes are held, and it's no surprise it's empty on a day such as this. With the festival taking place, I doubt anyone would come this way.

S͓̖̺̯ͬ̒̓ȟ̡̭͎̜̎͌e̺̙̗̰̲ ̸̀̐͆ͦ̓̂̆d̟̫͍̎ͮͦ̓̍͋͠o̠̬̝̞ě̵̿̐͗s͇̤̰͚̳̺̓̔͊ṅ͔͚̤̻̥̅ͮ͛ͧ͝'̡̟̭̩͕̝͚͌ͥ͋̋ͩͫt͓͈̼ͦ̓̍̔̄͂̎͠ ̘͗w̘͈̮̤̲̒ͤ̾̌͊̃ͫ͞a̸̼̜̠̺̥͎͇ͨͦ̑͗ͫ͛̚n̠̟̺ͣt͚͎̞̣̊̅ ̩̝͎̙m̵ͤͥe̤̜͌͞ ̄̉͢t̖̝̟̻̬͙ͭ̒͂̓o ͖͎͕̂g̜̰̠̤̳͗ͪ̏ͥ͒̿̚͠e̷͉̪̤̼̣͙̻t͍͙̹̬̬ͫ̉ͫͧ̓̆ͭ ̥͖͖̗̄̀h̼̗̼͆ͮ͌̔̌͟u͇̪͖̱͉ͪͧ̐ͅṙ̶͓̳͈̣͈̺̽̌ͧ͆t̴̠̠̽ͫ͊̈ͦ̐̚.̫͎̦̍͆͊̽̕

I get that. I get that.

Sͯ̂̇͐̔͏̗̩̠̳h͙͔͙̟̝ͮͤ͂͋̓̓͜e̋ͣ̌̃̎͛ͨ ͉̯̠̺̭̳͗̉̆ͥͫ͋w͈̻á̷͔̂͛̓ͨ̎nͩ͒̆̂ͭͫͤ҉̖̥̱̹͖ţ̖s̉ ̮͋̇m̦̔͠e̷̹̣̪͒ ͓̪͉̥͍̎ͤ̇̀ẗ̫͉͎̤́̈́̋o̲͕͎̞̔́͌͟ ̛͗̑͆̎̔̊̀l̨̳͉̗ḯ͙̰̲̫́͋v͚ͪ̒e̽͊̅̔͆҉̮̙ ̺̙̒͌̓w̴͉̬͖͚̼͌͒i̩̙̳̩̺͎͓͗̾ͭ̐̂̌t͓͔̩͊͒͐̓͗̈ͣ͡h͋̒̎̆͞o̷͚̯̦͔͚̳̻͋̌u̔͊̓͂t̲͋́ͦ͘ ͍̞̫ͯ̒͞ḃ̐̈̚͏̭͎͍u͙r̰̖͎̳̝̹̭̊͂̃̔ͣ̀d̺͕̬̦̱̊͗̄ͣ̏̾͠e̦͔̦̥̠ͣ̃̍̚n̹͇̹͙ͯͩͮ͞s̗̭ͨ̏.̳͉̩̼̟̞̃̊̋̾̎͘ͅ

I get that. _I get that._

 **But I need to create a happy ending.**

The way things are, I won't be able to remember. I need to make sure I do. I need to save them. I cannot fail. I cannot do something wrong. I need to use the right method. There is a clear plan. Follow the plan, reach the conclusion. Throw away morals. Throw away self-preservation. Dedicate to the plan. Make them fall in love. Change their mind. Kill sense of morals. Kill Natsuki's father. Kill self.

 _Oops._

 ** _Oops_.**

 **O̸̫͚̥͔̞̰̞̫͎̘͉͙̺̒͆́̅̓̕͡O̧̭̯̺̳̩̮̜̭̐̈ͣ͑ͭ̈́̿͗̍ͧ̑̀͘O̴̧͛̂ͯ̓̋͒͗̿ͣ͋͌̆ͤ̅̓́҉̼̩̳͇̠̲͔̞̳̘̩̱̼̯̲ͅO̶̖̩̩͖̠̬͍̻̳ͧ̏ͩͤ̾̀̇́̈́ͯͮ̎͛ͣ̕O͔̪̟̥͎̹̜̠̗̩̙͈̺̹̼̽̏̾͐̑̿̚͘̕͡O̶̼̜̞̳͎̤͈̭̫̥̞̲ͣ͋̆ͮ̅͝͞O̵̓̎ͣ͑̓̚͏̢̠̳͇̳͠O̡͆̊ͪͨͯͫ͋̈́͛̃̏̉̽ͯͦ͛̎̒̚͜҉̡͙͍̱̠̞͎̺͎̘O̡̧̟̙̥͚̜̖̳̭̹̱̣̣͙̼̞̰̺̠ͭͣ̄̓͞͠O̷͌̈̏̍̂̎͑̈́͂͏͔͇̰͖͇̟̜̙̮̖̬͚͍̝̜̩̠́̕͝ͅỎ͖̤̼̗ͨͮ͛̄̂̒͛̌̏͐ͫͤͩͬ͟͝ͅO̡̭̘̦̝̯̖̱̠̠͍̼ͤ̽ͯ̃̂͒̉̓̀̒͋̅ͥ̆̀͘͟͜O̟͇̪͙̱̤̗̖̥ͮ͗̐͋͆͆̐̆̓͢͜͞͞P͆ͧ̈́ͥ̈̔̌̇͏҉̪͇̜̘̙̜͔̲͕̥̱̤̦̬̦̪̣ͅS̷̼͈̠̖̟̙͙̝̆͊̊ͨ̍̉̅̍̀̆͟.̸ͩ̈̐̓͐̈ͫͯ́́͏̯̻͖̝͖̱̩̕**

* * *

#35 Thirty Fifth Try

Having taken care of Monika, I head to Yuri's class.

"Mhm..." I think about Monika's behavior. She hasn't acted exactly as I thought she would, and that scares me a bit. Maybe I smiled too much, observed my surroundings with too much care. She's perceptive, so she's bound to respond to these minimal changes. Thankfully, while there were some inconsistencies, it's nothing beyond error. Everything is proceeding as it should, and I've already settled matters with Sayori and Natsuki.

 _About that..._ Just as I remember Natsuki, my phone vibrates. Without delay, I take it from my pocket.

"Yes?" I lift the phone to my ear as I make my way to my classroom.

On the other end of the line, I hear a small voice say, "come... now..."

The phone hangs up. Without needing to be told twice, I walk into the class halfway through the lesson, take my stuff and get out again.

 _If this were my actual high school, I may very well die of embarrassment..._ With that last thought, I step out of school grounds.

* * *

I reach the police station in no time. The quantity of people around has increased a lot, but it's just as I remember it.

"..." I walk into the building, make my way past Mr. Cottonears and into the hallway. This time, he doesn't stop me, and shoots a curious glance instead.

I reach the room where I first found Natsuki. She's currently surrounded by three people, all of which are in formal attire.

Might you be Memini?" The first, with black-rimmed glasses and cold eyes, questions my identity.

"... Yes." I hesitate, trying to convey emotions suitable to the occasion.

"The second, who has a mole under his left eye, says, "I'm not going to beat around the bush; could you coerce your parents into adopting Natsuki?"

By normal standards, if I were to be asked that question normally, I would feel surprised. That said, I already know what type of story this is.

This time, I don't hesitate; "yes."

The three men squint their eyes at me. Without waiting for them to say anything else, I take my phone from my pocket and dial my 'mother's number. It rings once, twice, thrice, and finally someone picks up.

"Hello?" Hearing that voice, I feel a pang of guilt. The person at the other end of the line must be someone who thinks of me as her son, someone who shared memories and times with her, but I'm not. I'm just a self-insert, a thief.

"Hi mom. Are you available?" I put the phone on loudspeaker mode and talk as naturally as possible.

"What are you saying? For you, I have all the time of the world!" The feeling of guilt mixes with embarrassment. My face slightly flushed, I get to the point.

"Can we adopt someone into our family?"

Silence. If there wasn't any, it would be unnatural. It permeates the air, and causes a couple of the men to sigh.

Knowing it wouldn't make sense to leave it at that, I continue, "after a recent event, a friend of mine lost her last part of her family. She's incredibly sweet, and truly deserves to have someone look after her."

"..." More silence.

Desperately trying to salvage the situation, I say, "if I have to, I'll get a job! I'll support her! Just please let me-"

"Memini, what's her name?" My 'mother' abruptly cuts me off.

"... Natsuki," I say gingerly.

"Is she there with you?" she asks.

"Yes..." My voice drifts off into the distance.

"Hand her the phone."

I make my way past the men, and set the phone on Natsuki's hand. She turns loudspeaker mode off, and shyly says, "yes?"

And though I can't hear it, _I know._

"Welcome to the family, Natsuki."

Her eyes grow hazier - then tears accumulate. She falls to the floor. Cries escape through the gaps in her defense. And there, in the middle of nothing yet everything, she cries her heart out.

I pull Natsuki into an embrace, knowing the meaning behind her tears.

"From now on, every step of the way, we'll be here for you."

* * *

In the end, the three men spoke with mom. I don't have any idea what they may have spoken of, but it seemed quite serious. They exchanged all contact info, got me to sign several modules and even took pictures of me.

"..." I started feeling as if I were being labelled a criminal.

"Don't worry about it. We also really care about Natsuki, and we don't want anything bad to happen to her. We're doing this because we can't let her come with you otherwise."

I guess the fact my parents aren't here to give their own documents means that I'll have to put up with it.

... is what I'd say if I hadn't considered just how absurd this development is.

 _It's just as I thought._ This world - wait, it might not be correct to call it that. This realm has something fundamentally wrong at its core, and I'm not saying that because I theorize it.

 **Who would ever adopt someone into their family without knowing who they are first?**

 **Who would allow said adoption to occur over a phone call?**

 **Who would give a minor's custody to someone who may just be looking to kidnap her?**

 **And how could I possibly be a 'responsible' party when humans of young age can easily get brainwashed and used for kidnappings?**

 _This is messed up._ This realm is bending everything - the events occurring within it, the minds of those involved - in order to make sure the literature club remains. It doesn't need a realistic events, it doesn't need logic; all it needs is for the club members to spin in circles around the club room. And if something tries to tear them away from their role, that event is somehow nullified and they're yanked back into the room.

 _...now I get it. This is why Monika rebelled._ This fake freedom must've made her lose her mind. Not only did DDLC seal Monika away from the real world, but it also took away her freedom, to the point where all she could do to 'escape' was destroy the club room. Of course, not like that mattered. She was still trapped in the literature club; all she could do was render it unrecognizable.

She became god and tore down reality, but she still couldn't intervene when it came to her own freedom.

 _... Ok, let's not rush to conclusions._ Let's take a step back. Let's forget that Natsuki was ever adopted into my family and such. I'll set the event aside because it wouldn't be good to finalize a theory on one event alone.

It's daytime. I'm supposed to be at school. **Why** is it that I was called during school hours by her, left and didn't get reprimanded?

I'd expect my 'mother' to have gotten a call by now, but that hasn't happened. At least, if it did, she didn't mention it... but I'm sure skipping school in Japan isn't something to take lightly. The setting of DDLC is based on Japan - so why is it that I haven't heard anything from the school?

I may be making it all up in my head, but I had the doubt this realm allows for misconduct of any shape or form as long as it doesn't alter the situation it wants to maintai- !

It hits me like lightning.

 _... that's a horrible idea._ I'm aware of the fact, but I can't get it out of my head. It sticks to the walls of my brain, and infests it like a parasite.

 _That's a really bad idea,_ I keep repeating over and over inside my head, but the parasite won't leave. It won't _**get out of my head.**_

Wait -

 **Wait-**

W̘̦̥͌͊ͦ̀̕A̴̡̜̻̦̰̯͉̺̽͗ͪͯ̄͋ͬ̚I͈̖͖͙̞̮͈̥ͬ͗͛ͦͭ̔́̚T̢̡̝̘̻͙͐̐ͧ̊͒ͨ͑ͣW̵̛̱̳̭͂̂͛̄Ă̧̡̗̠̥̬ͬ͌ͧI͇̜̗̗̦̯̱̱̳̅ͥ̎ͣ̀T͙͕͋ͧ̎͞W͉̻̩͓̑͆̃ͪ͆ͦ̔̇͆A̢͈͈ͪ̏̄̉̈́̄I̩̞̮͓̘͔̻͌̏͆͛̓̔̓T͆ͬ͗̍͏͍͖̪͓͎W̪̟͍̱ͩͭ̈́ͭ͐ͧͭͣ͛͟Ą̴̻̬͙̬̺̫̰̱̉͛͗̒ͨ͜Ǐ̦̘̣̆̂͒͞͞T̞̓̄ͧ͑ͬ͑̈́̀͡W̫͙ͤ̈́͋̓͌ͣ̀A̰̝̳̼̱̭̺ͩ̿̾̑̒̅ͦͫͅI̹ͮͯ͒̀͊̿͘̕͟T̴̛͔̞̊͗ͨͤ̽ͬͮ͝W̡̪̙͒ͪͭͅA̎ͮ̊̽͋͋ͧ͏̦͍̙̦̝͖̟I̲̹̼͍̬ͭ̏̈̉̓͞T̴̹̝̩̠̘͈̬̞̪̀ͧͤ͆̋ͪW̥̝͔͍̱̅̋̆Å̵̦̪̯̤͕̤͔͉ͬͥ̌̓̽Ĩ̷̘̼̗͎͌̄ͦ̄̆̒̚̚͜Ţ̥̲̔͛ͪ̃̏̈́̓̓ͨͅ

Art comes in many forms; written, visual, lyrical and many more. "Not everything is art;" some people agree with that opinion, some don't. Everyone debates over what it really is, trying to reach a universal standard of art. It's possible that art lies within the soul, not the workpiece. It's possible that art lies within the hands, not the result.

But that would be too sad to think about.

After all, how could art lie in my hands when m̵̦̬̹̼̬͓̗͇̻̳̼̣͇̺͙͓̖̌ͪ͌́ỳͬͪ̔́ͦ҉̵̧̹̲̮͈̦͇̥̫͎̯́ ̴̶̧̮͈̰̠̪̲̤̬͖̬̣̙̩ͨ́ͭͭͫ̏̊͛ͬ̀ͅl̦̮̟̦̓ͫ͌͛͜͞ȋ̴̝͓̟ͮ̊̂ͩ̐ͮ̉͢͞͝ͅf̃ͧ̒̅ͧ͏̬͈̣͔͍̮̲͉̜̜̝͚͇͡e̸͈͕̫̪͚̻̬̲̬̙̱̝̘̲ͥ̋̾̈́̋͒ͭ̀̌̿̈͐̈͐̍̽͢ĺ̨͎̫͓̲̻̭̜͙̠̳͎̩̠͉̞̱̈͐͗ͪ̉̕͘ͅe̶̷̡̡̡̼̖̭͙̺̤̜̫͕͉̘͕̗ͫ̽ͮͪ͛̂ͤͅs͓̤͇̥̯̳̩͎̲̞̥̭̙̫̔̄̓̓̍ͫ̍͂̆ͫͭͬ̒̃͗ͤ͒ͬ͘͟ͅs̷̳̖̭͔̩̈́̆̈ͮ͆̍͒̏̆̑͗͠ ̵̨͍̹̲̤̖̒̒͊̂̐̽ͮ͌̎ͧͫ̇̎͒ͤ̈͟͡b̛͕͎̦̦͚͉̱͕͈̱̳̿̈́̄̀͠ó̶̢̨̩̦̞̣͍̳̗̪͓̘̟̟̽̀ͯ̑̑ͤ̍̋̓͆̑̉ͧ̽ͥ̿̚͝ͅd͈̲̞̙̱̰̠̪̹̠̣͍͇̖͔͎̼̜͌͛ͤ̄ͥ̀̚͘͜ͅy̺̟̜̞̱̦̘͕̭͙̳̱̾͆ͦ̍̔͗ͣ͘̕ ͓̥̟̰͇̈̽ͭͯ̈́͌ͦ̐̈́ͫ͂̑ͩ̿ͣ̓̀͜ȋ̸̸̵̶̹̗͓̹͈̟̟̩͋ͭͥ̂ͅsͨͬ͐ͪ̑̋͒̾̎̉͋͂̌ͤͥ̏̃͏̘̫͓͔̱̜̖͟ ̸̰͈̜͈̤̜̑ͧ̆͝h̸̨̨̤̞͉͕͉͖ͬ̓̉̿̑ͪͣ̃̈̍͡a̷̢̗̖̼͙͓͙͚̲͎͎̞͍͙͖ͫ͂͌̀̂̐ͯ̃͋̀͢ͅn̵̄ͫ̎͗̆̌͌҉͔̺̰̱̜̗̖̘͈̺̥͕͖̙͕̥͕̥͉̕g̵̙̞̪̪̰̫͕̲̣͚̮̼̝ͯ͂̌̽̏̑̅̂̕͢͠i̷̧̝͎̪̮̪͕͇̣̥̪̠̜̹̦͍̫̽̋̎̄̓̾͢͟͡ṅ̵̡̑̂̔̿̐̑͗̋ͫͪ͛̾̐̾ͬ́͡҉̲̠͈̳͍̳̩̟͕͔͓̟̤̮̥ͅģ̵̨̟̱̠̠̜̬̜̞͖̦ͣ͂̃͋ ̶̛̛̰̣͈̫̖̦̱͈̜̹̭͎̥̭̇̋̓ͬ̏ͯͯ̄̑͌ͭ̂͢͝ͅf̸̷̧͚̘̤̘̘͉̞͎̣ͨ͂͆̆̏̑ͬͥ͢ȑ̶̾̔͗͏̴͏҉͖͔̫̰̥͕͚̟̪͖̱ͅơ̶̜͇̲͓̲̻̱̥̪̤̬̼̬͇͚̱̩͐̏͐̑̔̃͐̑͛̒̌̈́ͬ̕m̶̡̡͈̮̺͇̉́̋̌̅̽̈́͆̈ͩ̍́͐͗ͥͫ́ͭ̚ ̧͓͔̼̦̑ͮ̄̒͗ͤͤ͌̓́͗̇ͨ̈̍̕aͫ͑ͭ̀ͯ̾̅́͆҉́̀҉̡̮͍͚̠̠̳̪̜̮̥͔ ̡̧̨̳͔̪̹̱̼͈̗̺̹̖̘ͮ͊̐͋ͩ͐̃ͥ͐̎̃̈̊͋́̐͂͌͢t̷̶̛̛͉̰͇̫̯͓͔͖̹̲̹̩̩̱̗̼̞̣ͣ͌̂̈ͩͫ͢ͅṟ̝̲̼͕ͧͧ̊ͪ̋͋ͥ̐ͤ̄ͯͫ͂ͭ͊̍̀̚̚e̶̴̲̜̭̖͎̦̹̜̫͕ͯͬ̄̆ͣͩ́̕͢ͅê̴̴͕̰̝̮̖̤̤͙̻̙̜̳̳͛̈́̓͂͌̋ͦ̊̓ͨ̿̋͢?̷̵̩̰̲͇͍̪̬̱̗̰̱̠͔̱͉͉͗̽̎͂͛̿̍͆̽̌̈́̾̈́͛̒̕͝ͅ

* * *

#102 One Hundred Second Try

By the time everything ends, it's dark outside. A day has passed without any truly productive outcome, but this is how it's meant to be. Right now, Yuri is in the process of falling for me, and Sayori wants some alone time to figure herself out. I texted her earlier, telling her I was queuing for a game's release and that I wouldn't be there to head back home. I expect her to find me out soon enough, but the conditions for carrying on with life will be met by then.

As we walk towards my house, Natsuki and I remain silent. There isn't much to talk about, and she's probably too bothered with thinking about where to collapse when we reach home.

At last, my house comes into sight. I point at it and say, "it's over here."

Natsuki nods. Her eyes have stayed hazy this whole time, so I can't read anything into them. _What is she feeling? Sadness? Curiosity? Guilt?_ I can't tell.

I unlock the door and let her in. She leaves her stuff in the hallway, immediately heading up the stairs. _Considering what she's been through, it's obvious she'd want some rest._

Instead of following her up to the first floor, I head to the kitchen. I've bought some noodles on my way back, so even someone as culinary inept as me should be able to cook up something... I hope.

 _Well, I guess I won't know until I try._

* * *

After three failed attempts, I finally manage cooking the noodles in an acceptable manner.

 _All that's left is the sauce..._ I open the fridge and grab the same sauce I put in there an hour ago. Yes, an hour ago. Please don't ask me what I was doing in that hour; I'm quite exhausted from having to extinguish _three_ fires.

I finally complete the 'dinner', noodles with tomato sauce. Lacking in creativity, but edible. Definitely better than anything I've had since my arrival.

Having completed my work on the food, I head upstairs.

"..." I find Natsuki sleeping on my bed. I'm about to leave her be, but I decide to give her at least one good- I mean, _decent_ meal today.

"Hey Natsuki... Natsuki." I poke her cheek as I call her name.

"Nnn... nnn?" She emits a low noise, signaling her awakening.

"Dinner's ready," I whisper in her ear.

Her back instantly straightens, her head nearly hitting mine in the process. Her eyes aren't shut for long; they're soon directed at me.

"... Dinner?" Natsuki sounds unsure of what's happening, but isn't it obvious?

I smile at her half-asleep face. "Of course, a family has to eat together, right?"

Natsuki is now fully awake. Without the need for me to say anything else, she gets out of bed and heads down the stairs, nearly falling in the process.

 _Well, I guess it's not so bad to have someone around._

* * *

After eating the last noodle off her plate, Natsuki takes a deep breath and exhales.

"Ahhh... That was good!" Her mouth, curved into a smile, shows she can't be lying.

 _I guess she didn't have many moments like these._ That thought circles my head, but I dismiss it. I'm not going to ask her anything remotely related to her old family's daily life. Her mother must be dead for her to be under custody after her father dies.

"Glad you liked it." Without another word, I snatch her plate from the table and start washing the dishes. Natsuki watches curiously, only to quickly rush to my side.

"Let me help," she says gingerly.

 _That's a very nice thought,_ _but,_ "no thank you. Let me handle this just for today, alright?"

Natsuki makes a small smile. I can't tell if it's forced or not, but all I need is for my intention to come across to her.

"...Thanks." With those words, she heads upstairs, leaving me with the rhythmical sound of sponge rubbing against ceramic.

* * *

After I finish the dishes, I clean up the kitchen. It's a mess, and considering Natsuki will be living here henceforth, I'd rather not show off my sloppy side.

"Well then, that's about it." When I'm done, I finally turn the lights off and head upstairs.

When I reach my room, I'm faced with a problem.

 _There is only one bed._

 _Ok, I know what you're thinking, 'but Memini, you knew this from the beginning, couldn't you have set up a countermeasure?', to which I would reply yes, but there's no need to._ I take a quick shower and head back to my room. This time, instead of sleeping on the covers, Natsuki is sleeping under them. It makes things easier, and I simply raise them to get into a bed far too narrow for two people.

Two minutes later, Natsuki is half-awake.

"Wha - we - " Her face turns red, but she doesn't let me see it.

"What are you doing here?" Out of consideration for me (or our neighbors), she controls her tone of voice.

"I forgot to tell you there are no other beds nor blankets in the house. It's inconvenient, but we'll have to sleep like this for today. Sorry!" I apologize, showing genuine embarrassment and concern for the situation at hand.

"... I guess." Natsuki still has her back turned to me, but she doesn't protest to the arrangement.

Much later into the night, she turns to me.

"Hey, Memini, are you awake?" she whispers.

"Yea, having trouble falling sleeping?" I ask her.

I can't see her, but she must be blushing; our noses just touched. "... yes."

I sigh. "Well then, there are three options. 1 - I can count the sheep. 2 - I can go buy some milk at a 24/7 store."

After that, I shut up. For obvious reasons, Natsuki asks, "what's the third option?"

"This."

Despite the darkness in the room, I land a kiss on her cheek.

"Wha - WHA - WAH?" She screams and pushes herself against the wall.

"Mom always said that, whenever I can't fall asleep, I should imagine her giving me a good night kiss. No matter what, after a good night kiss, you will be alright!" I say as cheerfully as I can.

"Ah." Natsuki calms down, and stops kicking with her legs. She must still be blushing, but I can't see it.

"Goodnight~" I say as softly as I can, then turn my back to her.

 _... how many times will I have to lie? How many times will I have to follow the manual? How many times will I force myself into their world when they're at their weakest?_ I hate myself. I'm taking advantage of her weakness, using it as a weapon against her. I hate myself for this - and I probably will never stop.

I shut my eyelids, trying to forget the self loathing that's slowly sparking to life within me.

 _Hopefully, things get easier tomorrow._


End file.
